You'll often hear French Bulldogs described as 'gregarious' or 'friendly', which is usually a polite euphamism for 'they're sort of slutty and will ditch you for the first person to offer them a scratch on the head'. So true. Tart.
Did you ever wonder why stubborn people are referred to as 'bull headed'? Implacably stubborn, always determined to get their own way, and a challenge to obedience train, Frenchies prefer things be done their way, or not at all. Flor is the queen of manipulation and cunning. When she really doesn't get her way she will sulk (with the occasional pissy grunt thrown in in case you've forgotten that she's there, still sulking, 10 mins later).
You know that rare oriental carpet that you're so attached to? Well, your Frenchie just peed on it. Oh, is that a toy under the table? No it's a pooh. One of the most incredibly difficult breeds to housebreak. Goodbye carpeting, hello wooden floors (and Cesar Millan's odor destroyer spray now purchased by the gallon).
The advice:
Accidents WILL happen. If you catch her right in the midst of the act rush her outside.
What happens in real life when I follow the advice:
Trail pee all around the house as you dash with puppy in your hands with arms outstretched trying desperately to avoid pee ending up on your head, clothes, feet - and by the time you get outside, the peeing is over and the puppy is wondering what the hell just happened, and why your hair is wet.
You're getting ready for bed, and suddenly you hear it - Is it an animal caught in a trap? Someone/thing choking to death? WTF is that horrific screeching/screaming sound? It's just Flor, expressing her opinion about being put to bed earlier than she thought fair. It's called the Frenchie death yodel. Nice.
They said:
Watchdog - Somewhat. Will bark at perceived dangers. Dangers? Oh, you mean the flowerpot that fell on her head after she headbutted it to get to the plants inside it. Or even the can of mosquito spray that fell over and made a little tinkling sound when it landed. Or the leaf that blew past her nose a little too quickly for her liking.
They also said:
Energy level is Moderate. Low impact dog. Enough energy to act silly, play a bit, take a walk and curl up on his owners lap. LIE LIE LIE. Flor is the most active little s*** on the planet. Nothing wears her out except for obedience training when her poor little brain is exhausted after 10 mins of Sit, Sit, SIT, Staay, Staaaaaaaaaaaaaay, STAY SIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT NOOOOOOOOOOOW. Otherwise she will run/skid/tumble for 30 mins, walk fast continually for an hour, sit for 20 seconds, roll on a dead mouse, then start all over again. And low impact? More like ability to crack my skull open with one small misplaced butt of the head.
it looked good. very fancy in fact. after a very long time reading the manual we finally figured out how to use it; well, turn it on at least. we also discovered a hidden society for scarily serious coffee drinkers. for an example:
"Brewing ratio" is the best way to specify what a "ristretto," "regular espresso," or "lungo" is. Brewing ratio is the ratio of dry coffee used to liquid beverage produced. For example, a 32 gram espresso shot prepared with 16 grams of coffee would have a brewing ratio of 16/32 or 50%. Previously I called this the "extraction ratio," but I believe "brewing ratio" is the more descriptive term. It is already used by the SCAA in defining brewed coffee parameters.
When first introduced to this approach, many people feel the geek coefficient is too high. They feel more comfortable remaining confused and deluded, gliby mouthing the terms "ristretto," "espresso" and "lungo." But I think that many serious home and professional baristas are motivated enough to seek a better way to communicate.
geek coefficient? you don't say.
whilst we haven't joined the coffee community who take this more seriously than their day jobs, we have become quite proficient in coffee-making. we know the difference between good and bad crema, how much coffee to grind to make a weak, strong, super strong cup of coffee, how to do a single or double espresso etc. it's been quite the learning experience all round. i even know how to refill the machine with water (big hint: everything shuts down without any warning leaving you incredulous and p'd off).
we don't rate illy coffee beans at all (we've tried their dark roast and regular roast). we much prefer the wholefoods range of beans - columbian at the moment. the crema produced by these beans is really good and the coffee just tastes better.
as for the steaming milk option - there is a knack to getting it frothy enough so it has body rather than just bubbles on the top. i have yet to learn it, sigh. interestingly enough, 2 percent or skimmed milk froths better than whole milk. i am going to try it with soy too and see how that goes.
now that i have crossed over into geek land, i am signing off before it's too late.
First, heat a saucepan with about 6 inches of water in it.
Put a splash of white vinegar in the water - this helps tighten up the egg. You can use balsamic (this adds a creamy colouring to the egg, which you may/may not like).
When the water is just about to boil, gently create a "whirlpool" with a spatula...with the water moving in a circle, slip your egg into the pot. The reason for the whirlpool is that the movement helps the white wrap itself more uniformly around the yolk...so you don't get as many bits of white flying off in all directions.
After about 3 mins, your perfectly poached egg will be ready to scoop out and serve.
remove the insides of the tomatoes making sure you retain as much of the juices and seeds as possible - do it over a sieve if you have one handy - letting the juices run into a bowl.
chop the remaining tomato "bodies" and put to one side - but strain out as much of the juices as you can - add this juice to the batch in the bowl. you can use the chopped up flesh for a salsa or something else...
back to the juices... the collection of juices should be bright red and it's fine if there are seeds in there, it adds to the texture and flavour. chill this for 30 mins, covered with clingfilm.
after half an hour, take the bowl out of the fridge - add the finely minced garlic, 2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil, 1 tablespoon of honey, 1 tablespoon of sherry vinegar and mix well with either a whisk or fork. add in 1 tablespoon of dijon mustard (the kind with white wine and seeds) and whisk well again. add salt to taste.
voila -- a lovely salad dressing that has the sweetness from the honey, the acidity from the vinegar but also an added special something from the fresh tomato juices. this dressing also goes really well drizzled over the top of steamed asparagus.
i served this with mashed potatoes. more than a little filling for a summer time supper but delicious all the same.
we ate well - chorizo, steak, cuttlefish, all on the grill. delicious.
puppy training is hard work; even harder when the pupil is stubborn, small, has no worthwhile attention span and can pull a sad face that encourages pity 99.9% of the time. she is named Flor and is a French Bulldog puppy. we've had her 8 weeks now and she is almost 5 months old. the serious training started last night with a nice and patient chap called David, from barkbusters.com. the training sounded good - it comes with a lifetime guarantee (!) and promises visible changes almost immediately. in summary, i get to behave like a dog, think like a dog and assert myself as pack leader. perfect. it's harder than it sounds and i did feel rather idiotic making bark noises. it does the trick though. at one point, Flor was allowing herself to be pulled around the room on her leash by Chiquitin who was merciless in his baiting skills. Chiquitin is a 4 month old tabby kitten with no fear and apparently no brains either. i even have a chart on which to record our daily progress. we shall see if the changes stick longterm; i sincerely hope so as there's only so much barking i am happy to do in public.
